Coming out

Hey :D

First of all, the reason I'm writing this in English is because this is something that is obviously really important to me, and to avoid any misunderstandings with some of my friends and family using google translate when reading my blog, I decided to write this in English, just to make it easier for all of us.

So this post has been on my mind for so long, and I finally feel ready to post it and show people this part of me. Most of my close family and friends already know this and fully support me in this (don't think I can ever thank all of you for the support, for being so understanding and the patience you all have shown me, I would not be here today if it wasn't for all you! I love you all <3) but I'm ready to let people know this part of me which has been on my mind for a really long time, and that I haven't figured out until recently what it really is.

I'm bisexual. As in I like boys but also girls and everything in between. Not greedy, or "just experimenting" "it's just a phase" or "still confused". Nope, just bi. This didn't really come as a shock to those who knew me, especially my close friends who I had talked to about stuff like that for ages. But to be honest, when I finally acknowledged this thing that I was feeling, it actually came as a shock for me to find out who I was. But at the same time, it all suddenly made sense. All the thoughts and feelings I've had for the last couple of years just finally made sense and this feeling of constantly not really knowing what or who I am suddenly disappeared. Really clichè, but a huge weight got lifted of my shoulders and I just felt like I had the whole world at my feet and could do whatever I wanted with my life with this new confident that came with finally finding and excepting who I was.

I guess I've always had this fascination for girls. I mean, what is not to love about them? Since I was maybe 11-12 I have imagined how it would be like to be with a girl, but always brushed it of as "nah, you're just curious. You don't REALLY like them, because you are straight remember?" I told myself that "I'm on the 'safe' side, I support LGBT and all that, but you're straight." For me, being a part of the LGBT community was something that meant getting bullied, not being accepted by your family and not being able to marry the person you loved. I've always looked up to LGBT people because I saw them as really brave people, but being a part of that community terrified me so I pushed those thoughts I had far back in my mind. They were always there, and even as I grew older (15-16) I still imagined how it would be to be with other people than just boys, but just played is away "cause they are just silly dreams".

I don't really know what made me realize that I'm not as straight as I though I was. Maybe it's the fact that I moved to Scotland and kinda found myself (ugh that sounded too clichè), or that I just grew older and more aware that being a part of the LGBT community isn't anything bad at all, it's rather amazing actually, or that I just finally felt comfortable enough to just be me, and be happy with that. I don't really know, and to be honest, it doesn't really matter to be me either. I'm just relieved and really happy that I've found the puzzlepiece that has been missing for so long.

Some of you may think that I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, and maybe I am. It's just your sexuality right? That's all it really is, but so much more at same time. But I'm still me. Awkward, loud me who laughs too long at sexjokes and who dances three hours in the livingroom when home alone. I'm still me. So why am I writing this? For a couple of reasons. Writing is like therapy to me, it calms me down, and sometimes, something only makes sense when I've written it down. Don't really know if that's the case here, but I still really like getting all my thoughts down on paper and saved up forever. I could have just written a word document and only look at it from time to time, and never show it to anyone else. I could have done that. But I don't want that at all. I want to be open about this, make this a topic that isn't a big deal to talk about. To make this just another coming out story, one of thousands and thousands. Because together we can encourage, inspire and try to understand eachother. I also want to help people, because I know how much blogposts and stories like this helped me when I was still insecure and terrified of admitting to myself and people around me who I really was.

Okay, wow... It's finally out there... Feels... pretty good and really terrifying at the same time!

I've tried to include all the stuff I felt I needed to include, but if you still have any questions, just let me know and I'll answer them as good as I can. I'm pretty open about this now, so don't be afraid of being too personal. Or if you just want to have a wee chat, I'm always here and on Facebook.

Thanks for reading all of this, I'll stop rambling now :)

Talk later!

-Leona Charlotte